man woman heart 1 by lilgoldwmn at www.freeimages.com
Being a preacher some of the most difficult conversations revolve around people and their marriage situations. Marriage and divorce issues are not just doctrinal discussions, but they are heart and soul issues. They touch our most personal and intimate areas.. The hurt and grief experienced by a divorce is possibly paramount to the death of a spouse.
Because of the sensitive and important nature of the issue we search the Scriptures and examine the passages dealing with marriage and divorce with a fine-toothed comb.
For example, Matthew 19 is a key text on the marriage and divorce issue. It involves Jesus talking to a group of Pharisees who are trying to test him. They come and ask him “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” (v. 3).
In our studying of this text, we often become like these Pharisees. We go to the text to find out how we can get a divorce. Or we go wanting to know the permissibility of our desires and intentions. The bottom line is our focus is on the divorce. How can we get out of the marriage? Sometimes one’s mind is made up already and they are just trying to find a scripture, or a preacher, that will give them justification.
In fact, we may even tend to skip the next five verses. We go to verse 9 to try to find the answer. Then we discuss, debate, twist, or take pride in what verse 9 says.
When we do this, we become like a tax payer seeking a loophole in the tax code. We become like the Pharisees who weren’t interested in the heart of the matter, but focused on the legal requirements.
But when we sincerely read the text, we see that Jesus doesn’t just answer their question, but says they need to change their focus. He basically says, “You are asking the wrong question.” The question should be, “Why should you stay married?,” not “How do you get a divorce?”. He launches into a history lesson about God creating marriage in the garden. He describes marriage as a beautifully intimate relationship that involves life-long commitment, sexual monogamy, and God’s creative act. He says, man is into the separating business, while God is in the joining together business.
Jesus does answer their question, with a very strict and difficult statement, permitting just divorce and acceptable remarriage only when their has been fornication (v. 9-10).
But do we often have the wrong focus? I try to challenge struggling marriages to focus on their marriage, rather than how to get out of it. Yes, there are times when divorce may be necessary, but let’s not make that our first focus. Focus on how to save the marriage. This is God’s priority. It should be ours, but often I fear it is not.
