“President Theodore Roosevelt was a man of action, but he was also a good listener, and he appreciated that quality in others. Once in a gala ball, he grew tired of meeting people who returned his remarks with stiff, mindless pleasantries. So he began to greet people with a smile, saying, “I murdered my grandmother this morning.” Most people, so nervous about meeting him, didn’t even hear what he said. But one diplomat did. Upon hearing the president’s remark, he leaned over and whispered to him, “I’m sure she had it coming to her!” The only way to find out what you’re missing is to start listening”(1).
We are poor listeners to one another. Maybe, this is why we are shouting so loudly and violently at one another. The Holy Spirit tells us to be “quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger” (James 1:19). The ancient Proverbs writer said, “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame” (Prov. 18:13). A key character quality we should all seek to develop is listening.
Consider these three reasons why we should use our ears more than our mouths!
First, listening is an act of love and compassion. We communicate love to others by listening. Prioritize looking at the speaker seeking to maintain eye contact. Be attentive, yet non-anxious. Respond with caring, loving questions that seek to clarify and explore the persons thoughts. Give the speaker non-verbal feedback cues that signal your love and concern. Love isn’t just spoken, it is demonstrated through hearing.
Second, listening is done with the heart, as well as the ears. What most desperate, hurting people need is someone to truly listen to them. Suicides have been prevented, divorces avoided, and nations brought back from the brink of war because people chose to truly listen and care. Listening with the heart means understanding the person’s background and perspective, hearing non-judgmentally, and feeling their emotions with them.
Third, listening is the only way we can truly know what the other person is thinking or feeling. As John Maxell says, “A good leader encourages followers to tell him what he needs to know, not what he wants to hear.” Many messages are tough to say and hear, but cannot be known unless communicated. Listening is a means of discovery and exploration into another’s mind. Listening prevents, educates, instructs, and avoids. We should invite others to speak so we can listen. As Larry King said, “I remind myself every morning: nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I’m going to learn, I must do it by listening” (1).
Determine to make a difference by listening from your heart!
(1) – John Maxwell. The 21 Indispensible Qualities of a Leader. p. 74-80
