I give a lot of thought to how to raise my boys. I am blessed with three sons; currently aged 10,5, and 2. I am also the tender father to an 8 year old little girl who the boys argue is treated differently than them by dad! I say she deserves it, because she is much sweeter! While I know I play an important part in raising Brooke, I do feel more of a weight in regard to my example as a man to the boys. I know in many ways they will become like me and are looking to me to see what they should be.
In thinking about raising boys into men, my thoughts revolve around several areas. (Writing this post is a way for me to clarify my own thoughts and be more intentional about these issues I feel strongly about.)
This is my current philosophy on raising boys to men and what I am trying to do with my boys:
- I don’t want them to be sissies. That may sound blunt or even offensive in our culture. But I want my boys to know they are men. Boys have an adventuresome spirit. They have a lot of energy. They like to wrestle, compete, and challenge themselves. In a world that is putting down men and tries to make boys and girls be alike, I want to raise my boys knowing God gave them a unique role as a man and they need to fill that role. I believe this quality is where a dad plays an important part. You need to be willing to allow some risk and take them with you when you are doing activities. To put it short, they need to be taught how to be men.
- I want them to know how to treat women. The culture sends boys a lot of wrong messages about women. I want my boys to value and respect women. This begins by properly respecting their mother. I am always conscience of how they are watching me in my treatment of Amanda. I hope they will understand girls are different and should be treated differently. Landon brought mom a bucket full of flower weeds yesterday and I thought it was great. They need to understand that their wife will need to be cherished and nourished. She needs to be treated kindly and loved. It is good to open doors for women, give your chair up for women, and carry things for women. Chivalry and romance should not be lost!
- I want them to be hard working. This one is a big one for me. It is one of the reasons we bought a farm. I grew up working, and we want our kids to learn the value of money and of work. So when I am working, typically my kids are working with me. It may take longer, but it teaches more lessons. Now that they are getting older, they contribute much to the project. They learn the feeling of accomplishment and get confidence from being able to tackle a challenge. They learn perseverance by having to do something they don’t enjoy.
- I want them to genuinely love and serve God. I want my boys to be active in leading and serving in the church. I don’t want them to be at activities because I am the preacher, but because we are a Christian family. I want them to develop their own faith and realize they have talents to offer the Lord for which they are responsible. I pray they will always have a servants heart and never shy away from leading others through service.
- I want them to have ambition and courage. I want my boys to be willing to try new things and have ambition and courage. They have a great example in their mother who will jump in and try new things even when she has no idea. The other day our dog needed sheering and she determined to do it herself. She didn’t want to do it, but she didn’t want to pay to have it done so she sheered a really hairy golden retriever. I hope my boys have such a spirit of ambition and courage.
- I want them to be humble and hungry to learn. I see too many men who are posers. They present a facade to the world of someone they are, but really it is all a mirage. But they aren’t humble enough to try to get help, open up to those closest to them, or quit being stubborn. So many man live a stubborn, prideful life not letting others into their heart and never reaching their full potential. I want my boys to be humble. I want them to be teachable and eager to learn more as adult men. This is a real challenge, because it means I have to be humble and teachable.
This is a pretty daunting list. Really they are our shared parenting goals, and I must say I am grateful my boys have a wonderful mother who teaches many of these lessons each day.
