Pre-Marital Sex: 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t Give Privilege without Commitment!

Sex is a privilege, not a right!  We are created sexual beings that have a desire for sexual gratification.¹  But it is not a right.  God intended for us to enjoy the privilege of sex when we make the commitment in marriage to another person.²  When sex becomes a part of a relationship outside of marriage it is like a fire released from its boundary.

Sex before marriage is when the privilege is offered before the commitment is made.

Picture by John De Boer at www.freeimages.com

Here are 5 reasons why this causes physical, emotional, and spiritual problems for all people, not just Christians!

1. It sabotages the unique relationship of marriage.   What makes marriage special and unique from dating? Biblically and traditionally the two key facets that made it unique from all other relationships was the opportunity to live together and have a sexual relationship together.  It is what makes marriage; marriage!  Yet, pre-marital sex and the common practice of co-habiting  sabotage the special unique privilege of marriage.  It is one big reason marriage is not being honored and respected in our culture.  We have lost why marriage is special by allowing sex to be enjoyed outside of it.
2. It changes the motivation for the relationship.  One of the big reasons God created sex within marriage is to draw the two individuals together.  The physical desire along with the monogamous commitment for life gives incentive for them to love and care for their marriage.  But when sex enters the relationship before marriage it changes the motivation from a longterm focus, to a short-term consideration about physical desires.
3. It clouds the clarity of the mind to evaluate the dating relationship.  Sex complicates a relationship.  Most all people realize that sex changes the relationship because it affects how one another see each other and the relationship.  When a relationship turns physical we gain a distorted perspective.  It creates emotional and physical connections that bind the couple together in mysterious ways.  Dating should be about trying to learn one another’s personalities, talents, strengths, and weaknesses.  You need clarity of thought to be able to determine if you want to spend the rest of your life with this person.  Sex clouds your judgment and cheapens the relationship making it about physical pleasure, rather than discovering the heart of the partner.  You end up confused asking, “Is it the pleasure they want or me?”
4. It devalues the worth of the woman and forfeits her protection.  Sex before marriage is a really bad deal for women!  Typically men have a high desire for sex and are known historically for using women solely for sexual gratification.  Sex being reserved for marriage protects a woman from giving up her most intimate and personal treasure before a man is willing to offer his heart, protection, and love.  Women should not consent to giving men “what they want” before they require them to demonstrate their love by offering financial security and legal commitment through marriage.  Women are often left destitute, abused, and struggling to raise children because they allowed the privilege to be enjoyed without the commitment.   Josh Turner has a new song entitled “Hometown Girl” with a line that young women should live out, “When she gives her love, she knows what it is worth.”
5. It creates deep heart wounds as intimacy is offered without security.  Paul says in a deep and mysterious statement about sex that sexual sin is against our own bodies.³  Paul is not only referring to all the physical problems that can accompany sexual immorality, but also the deep emotional issues.  Pre-marital sex creates emotional scars and guilt-ridden consciences that last long past the night of passion.  It cheapens the beauty and holiness of sex by making it about pleasure and passion of two people who are just “in love” or “hot for one another” rather than two people who have legally committed their lives together before God and the community.  It takes much of the true joy and depth of sex out of the relationship, as God intended it to be enjoyed within a secure and trusting relationship.  So, when you are offering to another person your most personal and precious gift, you can have peace and security knowing they have given you full commitment.  This is why adultery is so devastating to a marriage, because it shatters this trust and fidelity.

I know this message goes against the entire tide of our culture.  But look at the mess our culture is in!  We need to wake up and teach our young people the truth–privilege without the commitment in marriage will greatly harm them physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

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¹ – Gen. 1-2

² – Heb. 13:4; 1 Cor. 7:1-10

³ – 1 Cor. 6:18