[*Disclaimer – I am not a professional counselor, I am a minister and father sharing my thoughts.]
Death has been at every turn this December, via our ministry, the national news, and within our family. Parents of young children often ask me how they should handle death as it concerns their children. For example, when they have a grandparent die, a classmate, or there is a national situation like the school shooting in Newtown, CT, how much do you speak with your children about it? We have four kids ranging in age from 8 years to 3 months so this is an issue for us as well. Here are my thoughts:
- Maybe it is because of our necessity of having kids with us, but we have always believed it is good for our kids to learn how to behave in funeral homes and towards grieving people. We have taken our kids to visitation services, funerals, viewed bodies, and gone to grieving homes. We don’t want them to have anxiety in those situations, and we do want them to know how to be respectful and compassionate toward those who are hurting.
- We believe it is important for kids to be a part of the grieving process. Yes, they should be protected so that this is not all they are thinking and dealing with at the time, but they should attend visitations and funerals of those they love. Life is different for preachers, (in fact some of you may say preachers are just different!!) but I am surprised when parents keep their kids from attending visitations or funerals.
- My good friend Jim Savage, who is a professional counselor, encourages families to get pets with one of the reasons being to teach them about death. Children need to be exposed to the “cycle of life” (see 1 Kings 2:1-2). Death in pets give parents an opportunity to teach and speak to the child about loss, grief, and death. Our dog of 12 years had to be put down this summer. We were able to use this as a teaching tool for our family.
- We need to constantly be emphasizing to ourselves and our kids that this world is not our home (Heb. 11:13-16). It is our responsibility to give our kids through our words and life a Christian worldview regarding pain, suffering, and death. Let them know that grief is personal. They need to be allowed to cry, be sad, and miss their loved one. Be there for them to discuss their questions and concerns while talking about memories and their loss. This is a faith issue for the Christian.
- Don’t let the heavy issues of life consume your family time. This final one is a hard one for us, and we have thought about it quite a bit these past few weeks. Especially as your kids move into adolescence, they will start to soak up your adult conversation. We try to watch what we say and specifically not to say too much. We guard the TV and don’t let them be exposed to all the details on the news. Families need to discuss, pray about, and give Biblical answers to these issues, but it should not be the whole of our discussion and family environment. Preachers have to work on leaving work at the office too! We must let kids be kids.
What questions or suggestions would you have to add to this discussion?
