Most surveys done on marital happiness indicate a sharp decline after kids come along.  But this is not always the case and doesn’t have to be!    While kids bring lots of challenges, they are also an incredible blessing.

I have four children; all 10 and below.  We are in zone coverage and still can’t keep up with all the work there is to be done.  Just feeding and clothing four kids regularly takes a lot of work.  But I love my wife more now than I did when #1 came along.  Our satisfaction has continued to increase and we are thankful for the opportunity to raise children.

We have our times that are real struggles, and these are often exacerbated by the stress of children, but we are incredibly blessed.

The key is remembering you have to prioritize the marriage.  The marriage requires constant maintenance. We live in a society that elevates children so much, that the parenting responsibility often takes a back-seat to  spousal commitments.  Besides loving the Lord, the greatest thing you can do for your kids is have a strong marriage.  So we often need to prioritize it above the kids.  We have to build this priority into our daily flow of life.

Here are 7 times which can help keep the romance alive with kids.  

1. Morning Time –  The time before you start your day can set the rest of your day up for good feelings.  Set the alarm a few minutes early for some sleepy cuddle time.  When you wake up give a hug or share a sweet word.
2. Leaving Time – When you are leaving each other in the morning pause to say goodbye.  Share a quick kiss, give a hug, and communicate any important details before you leave.
3. Arriving Time – When you come back together after being apart, the first thing you should do is find each other.  You may have lots of chores to do, kids needing this or that, but seek each other out and greet one another.  Do a quick check-up to make sure everything is okay, share a few kind words, and then get back to the duties.
4. Meal Time – Just as meal times are important for the family, they are also important for the marriage.  Prioritize sitting down and eating together.  This builds communication and helps you learn about one another’s day.  You may have to tell the kids, wait a minute, I am talking to your mom.  But eating together fosters family commitment and bonds.
5. Service Time – The added work of kids is what often pulls at the marriage relationship.  Why not join hands and pull the load together.  Throughout the day it is the little acts of service you do for one another which communicate love and priority.  Make her coffee before leaving for work.  Empty and load the dishwasher while she fixes a meal.  Work on folding laundry together.  Kids do require more work, so each spouse has to step up in their service and work for the family and one another.
6. Bed Time –
   1. KIDS – One of the most important things you can do for your marriage is have a regularly scheduled bedtime for your kids.  Dad and mom need a break from the kids and time for each other!  We have often joked that we will be worn out trying to get the kids to bed, but rejuvenated once the door is shut.  Bedtime allows for you to have some personal time and couple time.  Try to do something together, like watch a favorite show or raid the pantry together eating food!
   2. YOURS – Not only is the kids bedtime important, but also you going to bed together is important.  The communication and connection which is afforded when you go through your nightly routine and go to bed together is so rich.  Strong couples regularly point out how significant this pillow talk time is for their intimacy.  Read a chapter of the Bible, have a prayer, and talk about your lives.
7. Special Time – By “special” time I am referring to those rare occasions when you have the opportunity to do things without kids.  Date nights, no matter if they are once every 2 to 3 months can be very important.  Anniversary trips, Christmas shopping days, and birthdays are all special times which allow us to prioritize our marriage.  By the way, I think there is one of those special days coming up this Saturday.  Don’t miss it!

What other “times” would you add that help keep the romance alive in your marriage?