Filling the Gap: When You Have to Get an Answer

Legality by acambaro77 at sxc.hu

In the last post, we put forth the challenge of filling the gap with trust rather than suspicion when a co-worker or family member creates a gap by their actions.  In this post, I would like to address the issue of what you do when the person continues to create a gap by their actions.

I once again what to refer to a portion of the Andy Stanley’s podcast as taken from Mark Bowling.

What happens when a person creates a TRUST GAP over and over?  Trust runs out.  At that point, something has to change.  Conversations have to take place sooner rather than later.  If you find yourself driving home having imaginary conversations in your head with the other person about these TRUST GAPS, it is time to have a conversation in real life.  You need to sit down and tell the person about the existence of the TRUST GAP and understand the cause.  Lencioni writes, “When there is trust, conflict becomes nothing more than the pursuit of truth in an attempt to find the best possible answer.”

This is great counsel and falls right in line with the message of Jesus.  Jesus would have us trust and believe the best in others, but he also taught us to communicate and confront when there is a problem (Mat. 5:23-26, 18:15-20).

So, you set the person down and you begin by saying, “I am sure there is a good reason why you are doing what you are doing.”  Give them the assurance of your trust in their judgement.  Go into the conversation with the attitude of finding out why the other person is making their decision and what is going on in their life.  You are seeking truth and trying to fill the gap with accurate knowledge.  It might be that they are being irresponsible, unproductive, lazy, or dishonest.  Or it might be they are dealing with a burden or stress of which you had no idea.  You want to remove the gap!  You fill the gap  with communication and truth.  Then you can act accordingly.

I want to share one other section from the podcast about our personal integrity.

We all have to give the gift of TRUST and the gift of TRUSTWORTHINESS.   For us to help build the culture of TRUST, we all must do our best to be worthy of others TRUST, to be TRUSTWORTHY.  A TRUSTWORTHY person isn’t a perfect peson, but someone that owns the gap once it has been created – or possibly before it is created.  For example, they will let you know before they are late that they will be late.  They do everything in their power to help ensure that the gap doesn’t occur.

My takeaways and what I want to inspire in you:

• Rather than being suspicious, negative, and condescending of others when their actions do not meet my expectations, I am trying to fill the gap created with trust, mercy, love, and understanding.  Give people the benefit of the doubt, I want them to give me this same type of trust (Mat. 7:12).  
• When a problem exists, if it is a problem that needs to be dealt with, I need to first approach it with an attitude of confidence and trust in the individual.  Seeking to find out what I don’t know about their actions and reasons.
• Finally, when I create knowing gaps for others, I need to own them.  This is why wives love for their husbands to call when they are running late.  This is why elders need to know vacation, speaking schedules, and other pertinent information.  This is why when I fail to carry out something I had good-intentions of doing, rather than ignore the mistake, I need to own the mistake and restore the trust.

What are your takeaways?

I hope that you will consider these thoughts and may they impact the church, your work, and family relationships.

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Andy Stanley Podcast

Mark Bowling post