Bedroom Expectations Brought To Marriage

Rest and Relaxation by nelso47We did a marriage retreat this past weekend with a local church.  It was lots of fun and we hope a great blessing to the couples who attended.  I wanted to share one concept that seemed to resonate with the couples regarding the sexual relationship.

We come into marriage with various expectations.

It seems that many Christian couples come into marriage with these expectations:

Husbands — “Hollywood” view of sex

Wives – “Sex is Bad or Dirty” view 

 Let me explain these two broad stereotypes that fit many:

Many Christian men enter into the marriage relationship with a subconscious view of sex that is formed from the world and media industry.  This view often involves concepts that his wife is visually stimulated by his appearance, she desires sex as much as he does, and sex is to be “hot” and “passionate.”  He also may have much anxiety related to his performance and his role in his wife’s satisfaction.

Many Christian women enter into the marriage relationship with a subconscious view of sex as a bad or dirty thing.  Most all of the emphasis in the church and at home revolves around the dangers associated with sex.  Then with the cutting of a wedding cake it is all supposed to change.  But the programming for years, doesn’t just leave in a day.  So they often struggle to let down their anxiety, inhibitions, and enjoy sex.

This dynamic causes problems for many couples especially in the early years.  The different expectations creates disappointment, conflict, frustration, and challenges.  They often aren’t able or willing to communicate their true feelings on the topic, so they may not find a quick resolution.  It can leave the man feeling unloved and the woman feeling cheap.  It creates tension and conflict in other areas of life, because of the sexual frustration.

Once again the Bible has the answer.  We should not take our expectations and perspective on sex from the world or from an incomplete picture in childhood.  We must re-educate ourselves in the Biblical view of marital love and intimacy.  Intimacy in marriage is about two people being open with their feelings, emotions, and bodies.  It is about acceptance, love, and respect.  Great sex should be defined by the couple, not by the world.  It is about connection in the “one flesh” union of marriage.  Each partner should seek their own pleasure and give pleasure.  Adam and Eve represent this beauty, when they were “both naked and were not ashamed” (Gen. 2:25).  Song of Solomon describes the beauty of marital love.  The Hebrew writer describes marriage and the sexual relationship as honorable, which must be kept undefiled (13:4).

Couples should begin by communicating and talking about this area of life.  They should consider their own expectations, their past, and present emotions.  They then should seek to educate themselves on the Biblical view of the beauty and importance of sex within marriage.  

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