by digitalfllmmaker via flickr.com

What do you do when you hear some close friends have had a child in a car accident?

What do you do when you hear your brother-in-law is leaving your sister?

What do you do when your neighbor, a sweet elderly lady, has a son commit suicide?

What do you say when you are trying to comfort a grieving widow who lost her husband of 35 years to cancer?

Here are three simple rules, I have used to guide my ministry through the years in crisis situations.  They were taught to me by Steve DeLoach when I did a missions internship with him in 1999.

I.  Hurry

Usually the first question that comes to our minds when we hear about a situation is “Should I go?”.  You have to make a wise judgment regarding the answer based upon your closeness and current circumstances, but typically if you are wondering if you should, then go!  Elders, ministers, and close friends and family need to make contact with the hurting as soon as possible.  As a minister, some of my most important ministry during the entire crisis takes place in those first few hours.  It speaks volumes about your priority, care, and concern when you drop other things and hurry to their side.  This applies to when a family member has a crisis as well;  hurry to their side.

2. Hug

Gary Chapman in his excellent marriage book entitled  The Five Languages of Love writes, “physical touch is a powerful communicator of love. . . If your spouse’s primary love language is physical touch, nothing is more important than holding her as she cries.  Your words may mean little, but your physical touch will communicate that you care” (p. 109).  This advice is so true, but not only for a spouse, but for anyone experiencing a crisis..  Give a hug, hold a close friends hand, let them cry on your shoulder, or just sit with them letting your physical presence be a comfort.

3. Hush

The third “H” is the one that is often most neglected.  Talk to those who have been through crisis situations with great shock, grief, and loss and they will tell you many folks say harmful and hurtful things.  People tell grieving parents, “I guess heaven just needed him more” or to a young boy who lost his mother, “This is God’s will and for the best.”  People talk about how time will heal all wounds.  Most grieving individuals are understanding and let many hurtful remarks pass with a smile on their face, but sadly many people are often “miserable comforters,” as Job called his three friends (16:2).  The best advice is often to “hush.”  Ask loving and tender questions and listen with a non-judgmental attitude.  Offer your love and support.  Share spiritual words of hope, faith, and comfort from the truth of Scripture, but don’t preach a sermon.  Pray with them when appropriate.  But remember they are not going to remember what you say, nearly as much as they will remember your care, love, and presence.

These three simple rules will help you deal with almost any crisis, loss, or problem that happens to those you love and serve.

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